Monday, October 10, 2005
(PREFACE: Jay recently expressed some discomfort over my use of his name in my blog, especially now that more people are reading it. So, starting now, I will no longer use his name when I blog about him.)

The other night, somebody dirtied nine dishes while making dinner. (Uh oh, I can hear you murmuring, he’s counting the number of dishes being used to make dinner – their relationship’s in trouble! And nine isn't even that many! No, no, no, let me assure you, I hardly ever do that. You don’t know what he made yet, but I’m going to tell you...) He made Rice-a-roni.


I realize that Rice-a-roni is the San Francisco treat, and that you might not make Rice-a-roni where you live. But if you’ve ever made Mac-n-cheese from a box, you pretty much know the steps that go into Rice-a-roni. You have your rice, and you have your flavor packet. That’s it. So…

Now that you’re all caught up, if you’re like me, you’re asking, How does somebody dirty nine dishes making Rice-a-roni? The answer is quite simple: I HAVE NO IDEA.

Seriously, if this were a Survivor challenge, and Jeff Probst had just told me You must prepare this box of Rice-a-roni and dirty at least NINE dishes to win reward! I’m not sure how I would do it. I guess that’s why I need somebody on my team…

Now the thing is, I don’t fault somebody for using nine dishes to prepare Rice-a-roni. There is no doubt in my mind that each and every dish he used played a vital and irreplaceable role in his preparation of the Rice-a-roni dinner. I know this. I know this about my boy. That’s one of the reasons I love him, you see. Because he can make even the seemingly simple preparation of Rice-a-roni into a glorious escapade worthy of Baron Munchausen - yea, into a grand adventure that is uniquely somebody. He made that Rice-a-roni special.

How can you not love that?
So far, this post has made 10 people think of something to say. COMMENT.

rice a roni pot, knife for butter, stirring spoon, pot lid, bowl for rice a roni (anarchestra didn't have dinner, so not times two) fork for rice a roni. Hmm. I only count six. And since when did utensils count as dishes?
Plus: Measuring cup, skillet, and skillet lid = 9

Besides, it's called creative license - I was originally going to say you used twelve. :)
No skillet, i only used the pot and pot lid. Measuring cup yes. = 7 a lucky number
Not really roflmao, just kinda giggling. And I totally get it that it takes six/seven items to cook one pot of roni. All hail Jay noname.
Plus a strainer (which I didn't notice before) = 8

And I'm still unclear as to how the large skillet and lid got dirty.

Since when do you read my blog, anyway?
Jay is a master cook. For I like to use up dishes when I cook. For example: A package of lemongrass & chilies noodle (ramen basically) I had 1)measure cup 2)bowl - used for two functions even! 3)sauce pan 4) wooden stir fork 5)fork 6)spoon maybe 7 if you count the scissors I use to open the oil packet which do need washing. Luckily I drank a can of ginger ale, which did require washing out though.
The jackfruit curry I made last night, ah, two sink fulls of dishes!
Congrats to your boy Matt, from
Nick and *somebody* cook alike - except I'm pretty sure Nick could use even more dishes than that without even trying . . . plus a kitchen counter covered in rice-a-roni makings (the powdered flavoring packet with half of it stuck to the counter in a blob of melted butter, etc.) :)
Ickify makes me think of the show "Taboo-worst places to work" on the National Geograhic channel last night. They had the worst smelling job listed as the Tannery in Morrocco. And it wasn't the smell of decaying flesh, it was the smell of pigeon droppings (their secret, not so secret, ingredient) to soften the animal skins. They all got in the nasty pools barefoot and in shorts to do the work. There were many tourists who wanted to ickify their day, by taking a tour of the tannery. Yuck!!!
As your official dishwasher, I must agree that a knife, fork and a wooden spoon do not count as "dishes".

And as for that Morocco tannery, I was there too and it left a permanent stain on my memory -- The bird droppings are made into a paste and applied to goat hide so that the fur can easily be scraped from the skin. (think of it as the very first version of "Nair") Once the skins have been scraped they go into curing vats that consist of dye and camel or goat urine. The further ickification of an already icky process...
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Fewer than 10 percent of those trying Anarchestra reported feelings of ennui, nausea, headache, or dry mouth.


Matty G
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